четверг, 30 декабря 2010 г.

just 2 pict

just f0r n0thing...
these 2 pictures 0f m0sc0w
0ne during day
and 0ne during nite...

it's freezing c0ld that i d0nt ever dare t0 h0ld the camera f0r l0ng

but still the actual view is l0ts and l0ts m0re beautiful than in these ph0t0s
(s0rry f0r being such a bad ph0t0grapher)

d0nt kn0w what m0re t0 c0mment~^^

is seeking a thousand of fakes worth a tiny sincerity?

s0me0ne asked me t0 search f0r l0ts 0f friends
but i still can't pr0mise him

can u think why?

i c0uld always be friends with everyb0dy
(if they want t0 be friend with me)
they're always kind
and even i s0metimes feel that i d0nt w0rth it
but t0 be cl0se friend..
it's still really t0o hard...

i just want t0 search f0r a tiny diam0nd
am0ng the cracked glass
alth0ugh it makes me bleed
i still h0ping f0r it

the value 0f kn0wledge and passing examinati0n

cant hide any l0nger..
i am n0w realise that everything isnt like bef0re
everything gets t0ugher and t0ugher as i walked up the winding r0ad

t0 tell the truth,
i never feel h0w failing exam was until i g0t here
the first time i was t0ld t0 repeat the exam,
my heart sank int0 the deepest sea
but i dare n0t t0 cry
i t0ok the repeat test

but i was tested 0nce again,
i had t0 take an0ther repeat
just f0r the same 1st c0ll0q
but still i dare n0t t0 cry

the 2nd c0ll0q,
i t0ok 0n the 0ther day
n0t the same day as 0thers
i have t0 take 0nce m0re repeat
but still
i dare n0t t0 cry

but this w0rds always c0ating my tiny brain
"am i n0t go0d en0ugh?"

but i think
the hardest-t0-accept truth 0f an answer
"i am to0 lazy!"

i sh0uld d0 m0re revisi0n

but is it true en0ugh?

in seeking f0r the best s0luti0n
i reviewed my 0ld sch0ol life


study was an interesting thing
but revisi0n isn't
and why i still g0t go0d marks bef0re?
c0z i really L0ve T0 KN0W
t0 kn0w m0re ab0ut everything
everything 0n this w0rld 0f his

but n0w?
i was m0re t0 ign0re th0se feelings

and i did cried

it was t0o late f0r a c0meback in exam
but still n0t t0 learn and study

what am i d0ing?
i keep advising myself~^^"

just keep smiling
and u kn0w u can d0 it!

there's still space f0r me!

p/s: whateva it is.. n0w is t0 enj0y life and study~^^
       neva get pressed by the situati0n!

first sem's 0ver~!!!

n0w the first sem is 0ver!!!
n0w, i've g0t m0re time t0 play, "fb"ing and bl0gging...
still g0t bi00rganic test 0n 0ral~^^"
t0 the 0ne wh0 reads this...
please d0 c0mment!!
if u g0t interesting thing t0 talk ab0ut~
d0 tell!!
anything playing 0n ur mind ab0ut me...
feel free t0 ask~!!!^^
i think that's a l0ng essay f0r a c0me back!
0k that's all...
jaa ne~^^

вторник, 21 декабря 2010 г.

Wind (Don't try to be so wise)

this is the lyrics 0f 0ne 0f narut0's ending s0ng...
very go0d t0 listen and think 0f....
learn t0 n0t t0 be s0 wise but be 0ur 0wn selves~:)

Cultivate your hunger, before you idealize
Motivate your Anger, to make them all realize
Climbing the mountain, never coming down
Break into the contents, never falling down

My knee is still shaking like I was twelve
Sneakin' out the classroom, by the back door
A man railed at me twice, though
But I didn't care
Waiting is wasting, for people like me

Don't try to look so wise,
Don't cry 'cos your so right
Don't dry with fakes or fears
'Cos you will hate yourself in the end

Don't try to look so wise,
Don't cry 'cos your so right
Don't dry with fakes or fears,
'Cos you will hate yourself in the end

You say dreams are dreams
I ain't gonna play the fool anymore
You say, 'cos I still got my soul
Take your time baby
Your blood needs slowin' down
Breach your soul to reach yourself before you gloom
Reflection of fear make shadows of nothing
Shadows of nothing
You still are blind if you see a winding road
'Cos there's always a straight way to the point you see

Don't try to look so wise
Don't cry, 'cos your so right
Don't dry with fakes or fears
'Cos you will hate yourself in the end

Don't try to look so wise
Don't cry 'cos your so right
Don't dry with fakes or fears
'Cos you will hate yourself in the end

Don't try to look so wise
Don't cry 'cos your so right
Don't dry with fakes or fears
'Cos you will hate yourself in the end

'Cos you will hate yourself in the end
'Cos you will hate yourself in the end
'Cos you will hate yourself in the end

Wind - Akeb0shi

четверг, 16 декабря 2010 г.

fr0m y t0 y

a go0d s0ng...
i only play it when i am em0... 

just the translati0n...
You turned your back at me and walked away
without saying a single word…
In my wavering heart, I screamed like a child
“Don’t go…don’t leave…hey…”

I turned my back at you and walked away,
I have to leave this place before I start to cry.
It was a lie when I said I hated happiness.
I acted tough and let go of my ideal future…
I can’t take my wish back…

I feel this small room as gotten wider
expanding the scar in my heart.
And even a minute or a second seem longer…

If only I could spend it with you…

Does this world not even allow me to have a wish?
Even a single lie
will give birth to your tears…
I have sinned so much that I can’t keep track,
like holding your hand
and like gently being by your side…

When I pick up a bit of the present, I feel like I throw a bit of the past.
But I’m sure the me who laid in
the infinite memories and time
will surely disappear from your memories…

Can’t we go back to how it used to be?
Is this the beginning…or the end?

The nights where I sleep in this wide bed won’t end,
I simply dream…alone
I dream of a dream following your memories.
But I have sinned so much that I can’t keep track,
like holding your hand
and like gently being by your side…

If I can compensate by experiencing this pain from loneliness,
then please keep me in your memories.

It’ll be great if we can meet again with these immutable feelings.
We’ll hold hands,
but until that time comes,
“See you later”

fr0m y t0 y - Hatsune Miku 

a j0urney t0 the light

al0ne in the dark
when it is m0rning
i search f0r the light
but i cant find it
i wander ar0und
but i see n0thing


my f0ot bleeds

i want t0 cry
but if i d0 s0
wh0'll listen?

i c0ntinue my j0urney
in searching the light

i walk n c0ntinue walking
but still seeing n0thing
my fo0t hurts al0t
but if i st0p
when will i 0btain the light?


0nce again
i rise and c0ntinue walking
it hurts m0re n m0re as i walk
i learn t0 be m0re persistance
as i fell n hurts

"where's the light?
d0es light exist?"

i'm fed up with this j0urney
n st0p

"i d0nt want t0 d0 this anym0re!"

i hear s0me0ne calling my names
the s0me0ne grabs my hand
n n0w i can see it

среда, 15 декабря 2010 г.

zer0 n0 ch0uritsu

this is 0ne 0f lyrics translati0n that sh0uld be shared t0gether
fr0m a game entitled "Fatal Frame 4"
which is an exciting deathly h0rr0r game
that i like the m0st. (even th0ugh i d0nt really play the game... s0 scary~)


I saw a broken instrument in a dream
It played after an eternity of dormancy
(litterally, for an eternity of time that was unable to wake)
After how many nights of spinning (on the spinning wheel)
Will it become a light that shines upon you?
Your hands are tangled
Because you were chasing and then escaping
At least embrace this gentle warmth and bloom
Just call my name
So call my name
Please wrap me among the scattering petals
With your arms
I am not yet myself until I’m needed
Could you get me out of this cipher?
By resounding among the infinite tones of colors
Can my voice be heard perfectly?
Don’t turn your eyes away
Although I am not the one you think of
I’ll compose and search from this blank space toward the future
I will grasp them
Just call my name
So call my name
Please wrap me among the scattering petals
With your arms
I am not yet myself until I’m needed
Could you get me out of this cipher?

zer0 n0 ch0uritsu (just call my name) - by Aman0 Tsukik0

.:p/s: c0uld u get me 0ut 0f this cipher?:.

if i am fated

if i am fated t0 p0st the last 0hay0 this m0rning,
if i am fated t0 wish the last 0yasumi t0nite,
if i am fated t0 meet f0r the last time t0day,
if i am fated t0 f0rget all the mem0ries,
if i am fated t0 live n0 l0nger

i still h0pe that i can leave with just a smile~


the p0em 0f high sch0ol

this p0em was created when i was crazy ab0ut twilight.
i've watched 0nly the trailer 0f New M0on when the spirit 0f writing came t0 me

this was what i've created

it was very n0stalgic...
as i 0nce write it t0 my friends.
and they als0 sh0cked at first
c0z i never act m0re than kids.

вторник, 14 декабря 2010 г.

a stained peace


a sh0cked news spread as quick as fire burning.
there's pe0ple killing and ri0ts in m0sc0w.
and 0ur safety is in d0ubt.
rum0urs kept spreading.
and we still didnt kn0w the best thing t0 d0.

is g0ing t0 class sh0uld still be the first pri0rity?
0r 0ur safety is m0re imp0rtant?

there'll be a l0t m0re ri0ts in here.
and we still cann0t make a head 0r tail 0ut 0f it.

it's really hard t0 0btain peace.
yet pe0ple destr0y it easily like eating ABC.

the inn0cence:
-we are! (the students wh0 need kn0wledges and having life)

until when will the pe0ple be blindf0lded?

pure sn0w

d0nt kn0w why...
suddenly, i remember 0ne 0f an anime s0ng

"Pure sn0w pure heart futari 
Deatta hi m0 yuki ga futte-ita
K0i y0ri m0 setsunakute
Ai y0ri m0 us0 n0 nai
Unmei wo kanjita n0"

d0n't really kn0w the meaning 0f the lyrics..

the first line seems really interesting...

a pure heart...

a pure white heart 
like a pure sn0w 
c0vering this land 0f m0sc0w
in this winter

is it really p0ssible?

воскресенье, 12 декабря 2010 г.

first winter

"it's sn0wing!"

it's really exciting when the first sn0w falls 0n my black gl0ve.
i th0ught there sn0w flakes isnt real.
i th0ught sn0w flakes are to0 big t0 be real.
but i'm wr0ng,
sn0w flakes are real.
but its really tiny.
cant take any real ph0t0graph with it..

the sec0nd time i met with sn0w,
i try t0 m0ld it.
and this was what i made

and its really fun!
can have sn0w fights!!!
i even g0t many times sn0w ball hit rite 0n the face.
s0 c0ld and can feel my face freezing.

even when wearing gl0ves,
i can still feel the c0ldness biting my fingertip.
my skin dries.
and it easily scratched.

apteka is the best place t0 search f0r s0luti0n!

i g0t this fr0m the apteka 0n the way t0 chemistry building in izmailuvskaya

it's a winter cream f0r kids!

but still
it's really smo0then my skin and pr0tect it in winter.
it's n0t s0 bad t0 have 0ne.
0ther than that,
i als0 get s0me l0ti0n f0r 0ther part 0f the b0dy (as the cream sh0wn is just f0r hand).

what the m0tive behind all 0f these n0nsense?

it's just t0 tell u guys that it's n0t s0 enj0yful t0 study in winter!!!

fo0d in m0sc0w

if anyb0dy tell u that it's hard t0 find halal fo0d in m0sc0w...
u have been fo0led!
it's easy t0 find halal fo0d...

by the way,
fo0d in m0sc0w is really m0uth-watering.
their kanchapuri
gariyachi ch0k0lad

they are easy t0 find
yet s0 delici0us

if u d0nt want t0 eat 0utside fo0d,
u c0uld c0ok urself..
f0r example:
chicken ch0p
beef steak
fish n chip
mushro0m s0up
whipped p0tat0
macar0ni with t0mat0 s0up
spaghetty with sauce

n d0nt be sh0cked
if i say,
even russian eat rice..

u can als0 c0ok
chicken rice
fried rice
0r any asian fo0d using rice.

i, myself have tested different type 0f dishes
just search f0r recipes in the internet
and use ur instinct
(s0metimes end as failure)
but always...
"practice make perfect"

p/s: t0 that s0me0ne.. i used the w0rd "tested"... n0t "c0oked"...
       so, d0nt be angry~:P

четверг, 9 декабря 2010 г.

missing my 0ld scho0l life

i've p0sted bef0re,
i l0ve t0 be al0ne.
t0 walk al0ne.
but still,
when i think back,
there's still l0ts 0f friends that makes my life c0l0urful.
and still always in my mind.
i w0nder why i miss them a l0t.

i still remember...

среда, 8 декабря 2010 г.



when thinking ab0ut learning 0r studying,
i 0ften ask myself.
why d0 i study f0r?
is it f0r the sake 0f exam?
is it f0r the sake 0f my m0m?
is it f0r the sake 0f getting go0d j0b?
is it f0r the sake 0f me?
is it f0r Allah?

t0 study f0r the sake 0f iman is a bit to0 much
we can always say that everytime we g0 t0 class
"aku n0p pergi blaja sbb beribadat kpade Allah"
and we h0pe t0 get s0me pahala fr0m it.
but still,
can we really feel it?
d0 we really mean it?
t0 th0se wh0 really feel it,
c0z its really rare

t0 be h0nest,
studying isnt hard
if we enj0y it.
as f0r me,
i l0ve t0 learn new things
and that feelings bring me t0 this w0rld 0f m0sc0w.
t0 answer the SPM paper is like eating a piece 0f cake
if it t0 c0mpare t0 what i fr0nting n0w.

where's the pr0blem actually started?

i think because 0f my 0wn mistake.
that is t0 be very cho0sy these days.
i 0nly l0ve certain subjects.
and treat the 0thers half-heartedly.
i g0t nice mark 0n the subject i like
but have t0 REPEAT in one 0f the subject that i take f0r granted.

it really matters if we study s0mething f0r the sake 0f what 0r wh0m.
it depends.
if we study t0 aim f0r the sake 0f exam,
we'll get 0nly headache.
maybe we can excell in the exam.
we'll realise that the kn0wledge d0esnt stay f0r l0ng
and it is such a waste 0f time.

вторник, 7 декабря 2010 г.

it just me

i d0nt kn0w h0w t0 say ab0ut it

i lived f0r alm0st 19 years (just tw0 m0nths left)
there's still l0ts 0f things and stuff that i d0nt really kn0w.
especially when it c0mes t0 feelings.
s0me says that i am like shin chan.
when i talk,
i d0nt really gives t0 much 0f expressi0n.

the truth,

i used t0 l0ve t0 b al0ne
c0z i think that i always be burden t0 the pe0ple ar0und me.
i just cant get away fr0m that feeling.
that's why,
i always prevent myself fr0m being t0 cl0se t0 any friend.

but n0w,
i still l0ve t0 b al0ne.
but n0t really al0ne. (i mean i hate t0 be s0 al0ne n0w)
there's a pers0n that i cant get away t0 b with.
it's really warm t0 b with him ( i mean it's really c0mf0rting).
when being with him,
s0me 0f my tense g0ne.
i w0nder why.

but still,
s0metime we had fights.
and everytime,
i was hurt inside.
and i kn0w
every single m0ment with0ut him is t0rturing me as much as...(it's really hurt u kn0w...)
and every fight always started with me being stubb0rn.
i started the fight as a j0ke
but it w0rsen
as i d0nt kn0w h0w t0 fix it back.
and everytime,
it was him wh0 fix the situati0n.

he just kn0w me m0re than me myself.

.:dedicated t0: the preci0us 0ne:. 

понедельник, 6 декабря 2010 г.


life brief candle
0ne's life is very sh0rt
have t0 enj0y the life at the fullest
but still
we can never f0rget ab0ut why we are b0rnt
why we are alive and n0t dead yet
why we still breathing in the w0rld 0f His
enj0y the time while fulfilling 0ur duty as a khalifah 0f Allah!

but still,
we are n0t maksum.
we can't always d0 as we th0ught we c0uld d0
s0metimes, we can't d0 the things rights
we d0 wr0ngs at times
it's the life He gave us
whatever we d0 have been kn0wn by Him bef0re we even d0 it
everythings g0es as what He planned
and n0 0ne kn0ws the reas0n except Him
we just can see the truth hidden if He want us t0 kn0w
we just have t0 put trust and believe in His Might.

a bit intr0ducti0n

i d0n't really kn0w what 0ther d0 with their bl0gs.
i can't just set up this bl0g as perfectly as 0thers d0.
i am n0t maksum

what sh0uld i write actually?

my m0m said that i sh0uld n0t put t0 much 0f true identity because 0f privacy
s0rry that i have t0 f0ll0w my m0m's 0rder.
she's the queen! (0f my heart~<3)

t0 g0 straight t0 the p0int,
i am n0w in m0sc0w, russia
studying medicine in 1st m0sc0w medical university
a muslimah
will be 19 years 0ld 0n 7th february 2011
staying at pushkin h0stel
b0rn at kuantan, pahang, malaysia (just stay f0w few days)
then stayed at kemaman
have a big c0mplicated but happy family (can't tell full st0ry)
kindergarten at yayasan islam terengganu, kemaman
primary scho0l at sk kampung air, kemaman (n0w sk seri iman)
sec0ndary scho0l at sm sains sultan mahmud, kuala terenggau (SESMA)

eventh0ugh i m0stly stayed in terengganu and be friends with the c0mmunity there,
i can't use the slang pr0perly yet
can't help ab0ut it~^^"
c0z my m0m is fr0m kedah
and i used standard slang since y0ung (then my friends will always c0ntr0l their slang when with me~:P)

i think my "a bit" have been s0 l0ng.~^^"

that's all f0r this p0st